no-title post

So, I was supposed to start week 5 today, I didn't. I ended up JUST getting the videos this afternoon, and half my tour folks randomly came over for a huge dinner party that just finished, so I missed my workout window, and it's WAY too late now.

Will start tomorrow. That's okay.

Eating GREAT. My dinner party tonight was a healthy stir fry, tons of delicious veggies, chicken...mmm. Fresh fruit and light cool whip for dessert. So not the best, but so much better than it has been. Progress.

Terrified of "max" workouts. A whole hour! I used to do p90x, an hour and a half every day...I don't know why this terrifies me so. I'm frustrated and have been slacking because I haven't seen any progress in my body at all, my pants all fit the same, and I feel stronger, but I don't feel leaner at all.

BUT, I had a nice talk with a friend of mine who has done it before, and she said she didn't notice anything until the second month, and a lot of her friends felt the same way. They were so aggravated because they worked so hard and saw no results after a whole 5 weeks, but they said they got into the second month and weight began to fall away, so....HOPEFULLY that's the case with me too. I need to lose. NOW. Still haven't bought a scale, but all of my clothes fit the same. Nothing's loose. Soon. Sigh.

updates.

So, I haven't updated in a while. This week seemed particularly rough emotionally. I'm sure PMS has nothing to do with it (lie).

Anyway. This week was supposed to be a recovery week, where you do the same video every day. I did it on Sunday night (or Monday night, can't remember) and Tuesday night so far this week. I was getting really down on myself for not doing the workout every day, but this week was a week of different things going on. I did walk two miles on Tuesday and Wednesday with my step mom in NJ, I worked doing some pretty serious manual labor with my dad on both of those days: sanding cabinets, tearing down wallpaper, vacuuming up dust from popcorn ceilings, and painting closets. So I got a GREAT arm workout those few days. This is the first day in almost a week I haven't felt that self-loathing icky mopeyness. Thank God. My relationship with God has been pretty rough the past few weeks, so maybe that has something to do with it. He knows what He's doing, I just have to trust that things will work out, and be proactive about keeping on top of my game.

I have exactly 4 weeks until my friend's wedding, which I'm in, and the dress I ordered is too small, but the size above it is too big. Hm. So I have exactly 4 weeks to really push myself, the last 4 weeks of insanity. Which I don't actually have yet, I have to borrow them from a friend...eep! Should try to get those today.

I've decided today is going to be a great, productive day. I did get to sleep in a little bit, which is nice, and Despite the fact that it's Saturday, I need to go to the grocery store. Yuck. I have to work on my eating habits more. I hate planning meals, and I end up wasting so much food. Also need to plan a trip to Trader Joe's for special stuff. Maybe that's my adventure for the day.

Hanging out with a friend this afternoon, perhaps going to see a show :) Yay!

BOOO

Okay...enough! I technically took 2 weeks to complete week 4, and I do not want to move on yet because I don't feel like it was a good week. But I need to. I don't want to do core cardio and balance for a week straight, so I've been putting it off (week 5). I've eaten a whole container of M&M cookies in 2 days. This is NOT okay. I'm getting those depressed mopey feelings again. This can NOT happen. done. TODAY.

So, I just have to decide if I'm doing week 4 over again, and making my end date even farther away, or if I just keep going. I think maybe I'll just keep going. NOT looking forward to doing one video every day for a week, and I don't really feel like I need to take a week to "recover" from eating cookies, but, that's what they want, so I'll do it. Ugh.

Getting really sick of myself, but can't fall into my self-loathing patterns from before. I can't go back there again.

olympic thoughts...insanity week 4 days 2-4?

Okay, well I did my midnight workout Tuesday night as mentioned in the last post, I did not work out on Wednesday, and Thursday I worked out in the morning before a full day of events. I had a job interview- they liked me, but I'm not sure if they're willing to offer the flexibility I need. Whatevs. Had an audition today (they're so few and far between this time of year, can't wait until the fall!), and did not do insanity today. I ended up helping my Dad sand cabinets for 3 hours, which is a RIDICULOUS arm workout. I did a couple of ab exercises and pushups while watching some swimming olympic races, so I don't feel like a total lard, and I'm just going to do the rest of this week (I think I'm through to day 5 or 6? Not sure...) of insanity tomorrow and Sunday, so that Monday I'm back on track. Monday starts week 5, the week of max recovery. Yikes. NOT looking forward to it.

The olympics have really inspired me, though. I see these people with gleaming muscles, incredible speed, strength, agility, and discipline, and I think to myself: It's definitely not genetics. Have you seen Michael Phelp's mom? Many of the parents are on the chunky side (No judgement!), so that makes me think, it's just because these kids have worked REALLY hard for a long time. My long time only started in June. Gabby Douglas was worried because she had only trained for a couple of years under her new coach. Years. I don't want to be an olympian or that obsessed with a balance beam ever in my life, but if they can do that stuff, I can certainly make it through 60 days of insanity and eating well. Geesh. Let's get it together. Maybe I'll qualify for 2016 summer olympics in trampoline. ya never know.

insanity week 4 day 1ish?

Okay, so clearly my plans were foiled. It had been three days since I worked out at all, and I was feeling REALLY down on myself, but I went through some stressful couple of days, helping a friend move and all that. Also ate pizza. Delicious failure.

And today was no exception, going on the 4th day of not working out? This can NOT happen! But the day got away from me and before I knew it, it was midnight. But I had just watched women's gymnastics finals, so...I was inspired. And I did plyo. I don't even know what day that's supposed to be, probably Saturday last week. Whatever. I kicked butt. I got my heart rate up super high very quickly, so I had to take longer breaks, but my form for each exercise was better than last time. Slowly but surely!

So, back on track eating-wise and exercise wise. At some point Monday I made a pomegranate greek yogurt pineapple banana spinach smoothie, which was DELICIOUS. Definitely doing that again.

Tomorrow, more insanity, and will try to see a friend's show, go to the zoo, and get my life together! :)

asdlfkjadg;

Okay.

Yesterday I started plyo, got through the warm up and the stretching, and started watching mens gymnastics on the olympics...and did not make it through the rest of the workout. Today I helped a friend move all day long, so I didn't work out today either.

Plans foiled. I'm frustrated, and when I get frustrated I want to eat junk food and not the loads of fabulous salady stuff and veggies and health that I bought the other day. So today I had pizza for lunch. And dinner. UGH! I am dreading this week of equity auditions, I HATE equity auditions. Especially dance calls. Not like I ever go to dance calls ever, but there are a couple on my list this week that I couldn't make the singer calls. Errrrrrgh. Cranky pants!

I know it will get better, I just have to stay committed. Not sure how I want tomorrow to play out. If I get up early, sign up, do insanity, go back for a dance call, or just go to the singer call (which they recommend if I want to be considered to go to the dance call), so...bleh. Will try to figure it out.

Off to a rough week, feeling really fat (regardless of the progress I've made). Can't go backwards.

Guess not every day can be super pumped I'm feeling awesome kind of days. Hopefully tomorrow will be.

gettin behind!

Okay, well...here's the scoop.

Monday I did Saturday's workout, hoping Tuesday would be Week 4 day 1, but I didn't do it yesterday. So I'm two days behind. PLUS, I decided to go B's workout session, she's training to get certified, so her hour long classes are free. It's a mix between insanity, pilates, weight training, and death. Much harder than insanity, because she kept telling me to keep at it, improve my form, etc. Which held me accountable, and for insanity, I can take breaks whenever I want. BUT, I don't want to get behind with insanity!

So here's the plan.
Thursday: week 4 day 1
Friday: week 4 day 2
Saturday: week 4 day 4 (skipping recovery)
Sunday: B's class

Monday: week 4 day 5
Tuesday: B's class
Wednesday: B's class
Thursday: week 4 day 3 (making up recovery)
Friday: week 4 day 6
Saturday: OFF
Sunday: week 5 day 1

aaaaaand finally back on schedule. I will be working out, it will just take me two weeks to get through week 4 because of B's training classes.

Yay! Gettin' fit y'all!