week 6 day 6/7

The past few days have been rough, but today I finally completed week 6 (day 7 is technically a day off, so I will be starting week 7 tomorrow, as I took yesterday off). Woo! I'm getting there.

My eating habits the last 8 days have been great, and I'm so happy with how I've been keeping to making better choices relative to the choices I was making before. So it may not be all salad and rice cakes, but for everything I'd like to put in my mouth, I choose a less fat/calorie/smaller thing. And not a binge yet! 

My work out is done, and it's not yet 3pm...so it's time to take on the day! :)

week 6 days 2 and 3 and 4

Well, I had a MASSIVE meltdown on Wednesday before completing day 1. Feelings of failure and hopelessness just arose out of nowhere. I HATE that.

Thursday I did day 2, but without my roommate working out with me, I didn't work nearly as hard, and I took a lot of breaks. Skipped Friday, as I went out to NJ, and time just escaped. Friday I worked REALLY hard and did SO well on Day 4, AND walked with my stepmom 2 miles on the difficult reverse route with the hills. And worked with my dad taping carpet to paint trim, so I was moving all day long. Took the day off today, Sunday, because I was lazy and avoiding the recovery day. But now this way I will be on the same day as J&J, my favorite husband and wife team with the same first letter, who are doing insanity now officially at the same exact time. She's coming over on Tuesday night to do it with me, so I'll at least have accountability there.

Two auditions that I'm DREADING tomorrow. But my sweet friend Jen from college will be coming for a sleepover, so hopefully I'll get those auditions overwith and get my workout in before she gets here!

Still hangin in. We've got to keep at it no matter how we feel...

Official Day 6, Week 1

Well, I think I'm over the hump. I had a major teary meltdown today about how much of a failure I feel, how I haven't really lost anything, and how it's probably my eating habits. Great. Support can be really hard to find, but I found it in my roommate Lindsay. She was SO kind and supportive, and encouraging, reminding me how far I've come strength wise and endurance wise, that now in the second month of insanity, I can really push myself and make my goals.

We made a pact to eat/grocery shop together, so that we can hold each other accountable. Cooking meals for two is so much easier than cooking meals for one. So we have a list of things we'd like to include in our daily intake, and limits on the bad things we'd like to eat. Healthier alternatives, too.

It's really all about the mental attitude for me: if I wake up thinking I can take on the day, I will. If I wake up thinking I don't want to do anything, I'm a failure, what's the point, etc., I won't. Changing how we feel is really hard, but I think having my roommate be so kind and supportive (she did Max Interval Circuit with me tonight) is going to be really helpful in keeping me on track.

Anyway, I feel better now than I did a few hours ago, and there's no where to go but up!

no-title post

So, I was supposed to start week 5 today, I didn't. I ended up JUST getting the videos this afternoon, and half my tour folks randomly came over for a huge dinner party that just finished, so I missed my workout window, and it's WAY too late now.

Will start tomorrow. That's okay.

Eating GREAT. My dinner party tonight was a healthy stir fry, tons of delicious veggies, chicken...mmm. Fresh fruit and light cool whip for dessert. So not the best, but so much better than it has been. Progress.

Terrified of "max" workouts. A whole hour! I used to do p90x, an hour and a half every day...I don't know why this terrifies me so. I'm frustrated and have been slacking because I haven't seen any progress in my body at all, my pants all fit the same, and I feel stronger, but I don't feel leaner at all.

BUT, I had a nice talk with a friend of mine who has done it before, and she said she didn't notice anything until the second month, and a lot of her friends felt the same way. They were so aggravated because they worked so hard and saw no results after a whole 5 weeks, but they said they got into the second month and weight began to fall away, so....HOPEFULLY that's the case with me too. I need to lose. NOW. Still haven't bought a scale, but all of my clothes fit the same. Nothing's loose. Soon. Sigh.

updates.

So, I haven't updated in a while. This week seemed particularly rough emotionally. I'm sure PMS has nothing to do with it (lie).

Anyway. This week was supposed to be a recovery week, where you do the same video every day. I did it on Sunday night (or Monday night, can't remember) and Tuesday night so far this week. I was getting really down on myself for not doing the workout every day, but this week was a week of different things going on. I did walk two miles on Tuesday and Wednesday with my step mom in NJ, I worked doing some pretty serious manual labor with my dad on both of those days: sanding cabinets, tearing down wallpaper, vacuuming up dust from popcorn ceilings, and painting closets. So I got a GREAT arm workout those few days. This is the first day in almost a week I haven't felt that self-loathing icky mopeyness. Thank God. My relationship with God has been pretty rough the past few weeks, so maybe that has something to do with it. He knows what He's doing, I just have to trust that things will work out, and be proactive about keeping on top of my game.

I have exactly 4 weeks until my friend's wedding, which I'm in, and the dress I ordered is too small, but the size above it is too big. Hm. So I have exactly 4 weeks to really push myself, the last 4 weeks of insanity. Which I don't actually have yet, I have to borrow them from a friend...eep! Should try to get those today.

I've decided today is going to be a great, productive day. I did get to sleep in a little bit, which is nice, and Despite the fact that it's Saturday, I need to go to the grocery store. Yuck. I have to work on my eating habits more. I hate planning meals, and I end up wasting so much food. Also need to plan a trip to Trader Joe's for special stuff. Maybe that's my adventure for the day.

Hanging out with a friend this afternoon, perhaps going to see a show :) Yay!

BOOO

Okay...enough! I technically took 2 weeks to complete week 4, and I do not want to move on yet because I don't feel like it was a good week. But I need to. I don't want to do core cardio and balance for a week straight, so I've been putting it off (week 5). I've eaten a whole container of M&M cookies in 2 days. This is NOT okay. I'm getting those depressed mopey feelings again. This can NOT happen. done. TODAY.

So, I just have to decide if I'm doing week 4 over again, and making my end date even farther away, or if I just keep going. I think maybe I'll just keep going. NOT looking forward to doing one video every day for a week, and I don't really feel like I need to take a week to "recover" from eating cookies, but, that's what they want, so I'll do it. Ugh.

Getting really sick of myself, but can't fall into my self-loathing patterns from before. I can't go back there again.

olympic thoughts...insanity week 4 days 2-4?

Okay, well I did my midnight workout Tuesday night as mentioned in the last post, I did not work out on Wednesday, and Thursday I worked out in the morning before a full day of events. I had a job interview- they liked me, but I'm not sure if they're willing to offer the flexibility I need. Whatevs. Had an audition today (they're so few and far between this time of year, can't wait until the fall!), and did not do insanity today. I ended up helping my Dad sand cabinets for 3 hours, which is a RIDICULOUS arm workout. I did a couple of ab exercises and pushups while watching some swimming olympic races, so I don't feel like a total lard, and I'm just going to do the rest of this week (I think I'm through to day 5 or 6? Not sure...) of insanity tomorrow and Sunday, so that Monday I'm back on track. Monday starts week 5, the week of max recovery. Yikes. NOT looking forward to it.

The olympics have really inspired me, though. I see these people with gleaming muscles, incredible speed, strength, agility, and discipline, and I think to myself: It's definitely not genetics. Have you seen Michael Phelp's mom? Many of the parents are on the chunky side (No judgement!), so that makes me think, it's just because these kids have worked REALLY hard for a long time. My long time only started in June. Gabby Douglas was worried because she had only trained for a couple of years under her new coach. Years. I don't want to be an olympian or that obsessed with a balance beam ever in my life, but if they can do that stuff, I can certainly make it through 60 days of insanity and eating well. Geesh. Let's get it together. Maybe I'll qualify for 2016 summer olympics in trampoline. ya never know.