I really am a loser! 10 lbs!

I haven't been blogging, but I've been using an app called my fitness pal since September 26th, and I've lost 10 pounds as of December 1. I don't weigh my self every week, only when I visit my Dad's house in NJ. But 10 pounds! I had to buy new jeans, as my old ones didn't fit anymore. My goal jeans are still a size too small, but better than 3 sizes too small- how it was when I got off of tour in April. 

SO, there's that. I love the app, I can still eat what I want, but it has taught me portion control. I don't really exercise on a regular basis these days, other than purposefully doing some extra walking throughout the week. I'm averaging about a pound a week loss, and if I did incorporate a regular workout into my day, I think I'd be closer to losing two pounds a week. However, I'm totally satisfied with my 1 lb/wk average. And it'd be amazing if I could keep it up! 

I'd like to brainstorm some ideas of exercising. I struggle with maintainability. I get into something really difficult, and I last for about 2 months, and then it gets old, boring, painful, etc...and I stop. I need to find something that I can do regularly, that doesn't take up my whole day, that makes me feel like I did something without being so difficult or time consuming that I don't stick with it. 

Brainstorming for exercise that I can stick with (that are cheap!):

-warm-up and stretch portion of insanity

-Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred (short video I already own)

-commit to walking every day (harder on my knee than home exercise...and weather dependent)

So I have some ideas. Now, for the motivation to keep it up...here we go!

week 6 day 6/7

The past few days have been rough, but today I finally completed week 6 (day 7 is technically a day off, so I will be starting week 7 tomorrow, as I took yesterday off). Woo! I'm getting there.

My eating habits the last 8 days have been great, and I'm so happy with how I've been keeping to making better choices relative to the choices I was making before. So it may not be all salad and rice cakes, but for everything I'd like to put in my mouth, I choose a less fat/calorie/smaller thing. And not a binge yet! 

My work out is done, and it's not yet 3pm...so it's time to take on the day! :)

week 6 days 2 and 3 and 4

Well, I had a MASSIVE meltdown on Wednesday before completing day 1. Feelings of failure and hopelessness just arose out of nowhere. I HATE that.

Thursday I did day 2, but without my roommate working out with me, I didn't work nearly as hard, and I took a lot of breaks. Skipped Friday, as I went out to NJ, and time just escaped. Friday I worked REALLY hard and did SO well on Day 4, AND walked with my stepmom 2 miles on the difficult reverse route with the hills. And worked with my dad taping carpet to paint trim, so I was moving all day long. Took the day off today, Sunday, because I was lazy and avoiding the recovery day. But now this way I will be on the same day as J&J, my favorite husband and wife team with the same first letter, who are doing insanity now officially at the same exact time. She's coming over on Tuesday night to do it with me, so I'll at least have accountability there.

Two auditions that I'm DREADING tomorrow. But my sweet friend Jen from college will be coming for a sleepover, so hopefully I'll get those auditions overwith and get my workout in before she gets here!

Still hangin in. We've got to keep at it no matter how we feel...

Official Day 6, Week 1

Well, I think I'm over the hump. I had a major teary meltdown today about how much of a failure I feel, how I haven't really lost anything, and how it's probably my eating habits. Great. Support can be really hard to find, but I found it in my roommate Lindsay. She was SO kind and supportive, and encouraging, reminding me how far I've come strength wise and endurance wise, that now in the second month of insanity, I can really push myself and make my goals.

We made a pact to eat/grocery shop together, so that we can hold each other accountable. Cooking meals for two is so much easier than cooking meals for one. So we have a list of things we'd like to include in our daily intake, and limits on the bad things we'd like to eat. Healthier alternatives, too.

It's really all about the mental attitude for me: if I wake up thinking I can take on the day, I will. If I wake up thinking I don't want to do anything, I'm a failure, what's the point, etc., I won't. Changing how we feel is really hard, but I think having my roommate be so kind and supportive (she did Max Interval Circuit with me tonight) is going to be really helpful in keeping me on track.

Anyway, I feel better now than I did a few hours ago, and there's no where to go but up!

no-title post

So, I was supposed to start week 5 today, I didn't. I ended up JUST getting the videos this afternoon, and half my tour folks randomly came over for a huge dinner party that just finished, so I missed my workout window, and it's WAY too late now.

Will start tomorrow. That's okay.

Eating GREAT. My dinner party tonight was a healthy stir fry, tons of delicious veggies, chicken...mmm. Fresh fruit and light cool whip for dessert. So not the best, but so much better than it has been. Progress.

Terrified of "max" workouts. A whole hour! I used to do p90x, an hour and a half every day...I don't know why this terrifies me so. I'm frustrated and have been slacking because I haven't seen any progress in my body at all, my pants all fit the same, and I feel stronger, but I don't feel leaner at all.

BUT, I had a nice talk with a friend of mine who has done it before, and she said she didn't notice anything until the second month, and a lot of her friends felt the same way. They were so aggravated because they worked so hard and saw no results after a whole 5 weeks, but they said they got into the second month and weight began to fall away, so....HOPEFULLY that's the case with me too. I need to lose. NOW. Still haven't bought a scale, but all of my clothes fit the same. Nothing's loose. Soon. Sigh.

updates.

So, I haven't updated in a while. This week seemed particularly rough emotionally. I'm sure PMS has nothing to do with it (lie).

Anyway. This week was supposed to be a recovery week, where you do the same video every day. I did it on Sunday night (or Monday night, can't remember) and Tuesday night so far this week. I was getting really down on myself for not doing the workout every day, but this week was a week of different things going on. I did walk two miles on Tuesday and Wednesday with my step mom in NJ, I worked doing some pretty serious manual labor with my dad on both of those days: sanding cabinets, tearing down wallpaper, vacuuming up dust from popcorn ceilings, and painting closets. So I got a GREAT arm workout those few days. This is the first day in almost a week I haven't felt that self-loathing icky mopeyness. Thank God. My relationship with God has been pretty rough the past few weeks, so maybe that has something to do with it. He knows what He's doing, I just have to trust that things will work out, and be proactive about keeping on top of my game.

I have exactly 4 weeks until my friend's wedding, which I'm in, and the dress I ordered is too small, but the size above it is too big. Hm. So I have exactly 4 weeks to really push myself, the last 4 weeks of insanity. Which I don't actually have yet, I have to borrow them from a friend...eep! Should try to get those today.

I've decided today is going to be a great, productive day. I did get to sleep in a little bit, which is nice, and Despite the fact that it's Saturday, I need to go to the grocery store. Yuck. I have to work on my eating habits more. I hate planning meals, and I end up wasting so much food. Also need to plan a trip to Trader Joe's for special stuff. Maybe that's my adventure for the day.

Hanging out with a friend this afternoon, perhaps going to see a show :) Yay!

BOOO

Okay...enough! I technically took 2 weeks to complete week 4, and I do not want to move on yet because I don't feel like it was a good week. But I need to. I don't want to do core cardio and balance for a week straight, so I've been putting it off (week 5). I've eaten a whole container of M&M cookies in 2 days. This is NOT okay. I'm getting those depressed mopey feelings again. This can NOT happen. done. TODAY.

So, I just have to decide if I'm doing week 4 over again, and making my end date even farther away, or if I just keep going. I think maybe I'll just keep going. NOT looking forward to doing one video every day for a week, and I don't really feel like I need to take a week to "recover" from eating cookies, but, that's what they want, so I'll do it. Ugh.

Getting really sick of myself, but can't fall into my self-loathing patterns from before. I can't go back there again.

olympic thoughts...insanity week 4 days 2-4?

Okay, well I did my midnight workout Tuesday night as mentioned in the last post, I did not work out on Wednesday, and Thursday I worked out in the morning before a full day of events. I had a job interview- they liked me, but I'm not sure if they're willing to offer the flexibility I need. Whatevs. Had an audition today (they're so few and far between this time of year, can't wait until the fall!), and did not do insanity today. I ended up helping my Dad sand cabinets for 3 hours, which is a RIDICULOUS arm workout. I did a couple of ab exercises and pushups while watching some swimming olympic races, so I don't feel like a total lard, and I'm just going to do the rest of this week (I think I'm through to day 5 or 6? Not sure...) of insanity tomorrow and Sunday, so that Monday I'm back on track. Monday starts week 5, the week of max recovery. Yikes. NOT looking forward to it.

The olympics have really inspired me, though. I see these people with gleaming muscles, incredible speed, strength, agility, and discipline, and I think to myself: It's definitely not genetics. Have you seen Michael Phelp's mom? Many of the parents are on the chunky side (No judgement!), so that makes me think, it's just because these kids have worked REALLY hard for a long time. My long time only started in June. Gabby Douglas was worried because she had only trained for a couple of years under her new coach. Years. I don't want to be an olympian or that obsessed with a balance beam ever in my life, but if they can do that stuff, I can certainly make it through 60 days of insanity and eating well. Geesh. Let's get it together. Maybe I'll qualify for 2016 summer olympics in trampoline. ya never know.

insanity week 4 day 1ish?

Okay, so clearly my plans were foiled. It had been three days since I worked out at all, and I was feeling REALLY down on myself, but I went through some stressful couple of days, helping a friend move and all that. Also ate pizza. Delicious failure.

And today was no exception, going on the 4th day of not working out? This can NOT happen! But the day got away from me and before I knew it, it was midnight. But I had just watched women's gymnastics finals, so...I was inspired. And I did plyo. I don't even know what day that's supposed to be, probably Saturday last week. Whatever. I kicked butt. I got my heart rate up super high very quickly, so I had to take longer breaks, but my form for each exercise was better than last time. Slowly but surely!

So, back on track eating-wise and exercise wise. At some point Monday I made a pomegranate greek yogurt pineapple banana spinach smoothie, which was DELICIOUS. Definitely doing that again.

Tomorrow, more insanity, and will try to see a friend's show, go to the zoo, and get my life together! :)

asdlfkjadg;

Okay.

Yesterday I started plyo, got through the warm up and the stretching, and started watching mens gymnastics on the olympics...and did not make it through the rest of the workout. Today I helped a friend move all day long, so I didn't work out today either.

Plans foiled. I'm frustrated, and when I get frustrated I want to eat junk food and not the loads of fabulous salady stuff and veggies and health that I bought the other day. So today I had pizza for lunch. And dinner. UGH! I am dreading this week of equity auditions, I HATE equity auditions. Especially dance calls. Not like I ever go to dance calls ever, but there are a couple on my list this week that I couldn't make the singer calls. Errrrrrgh. Cranky pants!

I know it will get better, I just have to stay committed. Not sure how I want tomorrow to play out. If I get up early, sign up, do insanity, go back for a dance call, or just go to the singer call (which they recommend if I want to be considered to go to the dance call), so...bleh. Will try to figure it out.

Off to a rough week, feeling really fat (regardless of the progress I've made). Can't go backwards.

Guess not every day can be super pumped I'm feeling awesome kind of days. Hopefully tomorrow will be.

gettin behind!

Okay, well...here's the scoop.

Monday I did Saturday's workout, hoping Tuesday would be Week 4 day 1, but I didn't do it yesterday. So I'm two days behind. PLUS, I decided to go B's workout session, she's training to get certified, so her hour long classes are free. It's a mix between insanity, pilates, weight training, and death. Much harder than insanity, because she kept telling me to keep at it, improve my form, etc. Which held me accountable, and for insanity, I can take breaks whenever I want. BUT, I don't want to get behind with insanity!

So here's the plan.
Thursday: week 4 day 1
Friday: week 4 day 2
Saturday: week 4 day 4 (skipping recovery)
Sunday: B's class

Monday: week 4 day 5
Tuesday: B's class
Wednesday: B's class
Thursday: week 4 day 3 (making up recovery)
Friday: week 4 day 6
Saturday: OFF
Sunday: week 5 day 1

aaaaaand finally back on schedule. I will be working out, it will just take me two weeks to get through week 4 because of B's training classes.

Yay! Gettin' fit y'all!

Insanity week 3 day 6/7

So, I'm technically supposed to be on week 4 day 1, but alas, going to Ohio proved to be more than I could handle trying to add in workouts. I did manage one workout while I was there, but I really would have liked to get in both. So that means I'm a day behind, and doing Saturday's workout today, Monday's workout tomorrow...etc. Will probably skip recovery (I just hate it!) so I can catch up on the real workouts. Not that recovery isn't real, I just don't feel guilty skipping it.

Anyway. Ohio was good, spending time with family is always a good thing, even if it's sometimes stressful.

So, I don't have a scale, which is unfortunate, but I checked my weight on several scales when I got back from tour, and in checking it this weekend, I'm down about 10 lbs! It's not exact...because the measurements weren't on the same scale, but there's definitely a difference! Woo! Serious inspiration to keep going. Yay!

Pluggin' and chuggin' for the week, let's do it!

Insanity day 5 ish

This week I traveled from the city to NJ, PA, through WV and into Ohio to see my grandmother. All tht travel and lack of routine made me think I wouldn't be able to work out, but I think I'll fit in all the insanity workouts (other than the recovery vid, which I hate). I did yesterday's video tonight, and I'll do today's vid tomorrow in NJ. Not a lot of time, just wanted to send a quick update. Also, lots of slow walking on concrete today, so my knee is very sore. Eep.

week 3 day 2

So every other Monday is a fit test for me, but I HATE the fit test. I don't feel like it accurately measures how well I'm progressing, so I don't do it. And since last week I skipped the recovery vid altogether, I decided to do it on Monday. Success.

Today the lovely D and I did Plyo together. I felt like I wanted to throw up, but having someone else around really forces me to keep going when I don't want to. I wish she'd come around for pure cardio/cardio abs (which is tomorrow), because that crap KILLS.

Going to PA/OH this weekend for family things and the dentist. Hoping to still get in my workouts for the week!

week 2 day 6/7

So I didn't manage to do two in one day, so I did the extra one today and I'm just not going to do the recovery for this week. I took 2 technical days off, that's recovery enough. Back on track for this next week, hopefully I won't have to rearrange schedule stuff and I'll just be able to do all the workouts as they are.

Did pure cardio/cardio abs today. Added in cardio abs for the first time and UGH. I was so afraid of what was to come, I didn't want to work hard in pure cardio. I took more breaks than I would have liked, and I didn't work as hard as I know I can. I think if I add in more veggies and antioxidant rich fruits (more protein's a given...) and less useless carbs (like pasta), that will give me more energy. Now I can't cut out carbs altogether, they are energy and we need them to survive these crazy workouts, but there are healthier carbs than others, complex carbs that also pack a lot of nutrition. Pasta does NOT. ha. darn.

Feeling chubby and bloated, bleh. It's only temporary, but this week will definitely be more of a challenge...I'll know for sure that I'm "insane" if I "dig deeper" as Shaun T says during my TOM (as D calls it). Woo! Let's do it!

insane week 2 day 5

Well, I didn't do cardio recovery on wednesday. I think I decided to take that as my day off and instead of taking my day off Sunday, I'll do cardio recovery then. Yesterday I didn't do anything, schedule crap got in the way, so I did day 5 (power/resistance) this morning and I'll do day 6, what was supposed to be today (pure cardio AND cardio abs) tonight, if I have the energy. If not, I'll just skip the cardio recovery/day off Sunday and do pure cardio and cardio abs then. They'll all get fit in with plenty of rest and recovery in between.

I have a couple of friends doing it along with me (besides the crazy tour guys who do it all the time, on their second round...manly pushup talk bla bla bla). J is a day ahead and D is a week-ish behind. I LOVE that I have such encouragement from both ends, and we're all strong happy confident women who are absolutely insane. It's perfect!

On a more personal note, my upper undergarments which fit before tour, were too small and I was spilling out after tour, after trying one on today, they fit again! It's the little things.  I can't WAIT to get into my skinny jeans. YAY! So glad my insanity support system is growing.

A weekend with no roommates = awesomeness. I have to go to Duane Reade to pick up some things, but other than that, it's planting myself in front of the TV for an R&R afternoon. More insanity tonight.

Happy weekend! :)

week 2 day 3

plyo again...I pushed myself harder than I ever have. I made it completely through the warm-up without stopping, and did just about everything except the last round through the 3rd circuit. And even then I did some of the pushups.

Plyo works like this:
Warm up: 3 rounds through 5 or 6ish exercises
Stretch
3 rounds through a set of 5 or 6 jumpy/squatty exercises
3 rounds through a set of basketball jump squats/level 1 drills/more jumpy stuff in plank position
Arm work

So that last round through the basketball/drill/plank things just was not as strong as the others were, but last time through I didn't even do it at all, nor did I complete nearly as many of the other exercises in the other circuits. Woo!!

My body is tired today. Glad I have recovery today! Recovery isn't as difficult heart-wise, and I'm not so beat at the end, it's only 30 minutes, but I'm still sweating, it's a lot of slow squats. Let's see how we do! Enjoy the day y'all!

Insanity Week 2 Days 1 and 2

So, I didn't do insanity early in the morning, I did it in the evening yesterday, but I still did it! Yesterday was power resistance, today was pure cardio. My muscles are so tired! But I'm finding slowly that I'm starting to get a little bit better at some of the exercises. Definitely some modifications, for knee reasons, and for lack of strength and stamina reasons haha, but makin' progress!

Side note: NEVER eat Chinese food before a workout. Ever. That's all.

Eeep!

So, it's been almost a WEEK since I last did insanity. Birthday festivities got in the way, and instead of trying to work insanity into my schedule, I decided to splurge and eat/drink whatever I wanted on my 25th. NOT the best idea at ALL, but it's over and I'm restarting week 2 tomorrow. Cardio power resistance. UGH. I hate it, but I love how I feel afterwards, so it's worth it.

Tomorrow the plan is to get up early and workout before getting ready for auditions, so I've got to get myself to bed!

insanity day 5?

I did tonight what was supposed to be Saturday's workout. DEATH. Harder the second time.

Felt so unmotivated today. But finally doing the workout at 11pm made me excited to do tomorrow. Glad I just did it anyway even though I didn't feel like it. Knee hurts a little bit, will try to take it easier (relatively) tomorrow.

Insanity Day 4 + weekend

Eeep, haven't posted!

I did day 4, the pure cardio on Friday, which was AWFUL. It's cardio, alright, my heart rate was through the roof!

Took off Saturday AND today, and I really am only allowed to take off one day...ugh. Went out to NJ, which screws up my schedule a little bit. Oh well, I still worked out 4 days this week, plus a 3.5 mile walk. So, I'm doing pretty good. Back to the regular routine tomorrow.

Workin it out! Keep chuggin!

insanity day 3

today was the "cardio recovery" day, which was a lot of stretching, balancing, and slow excruciating squats/lunges. but only 30 minutes! Still sweating, even though I didn't get my heart rate up as high as the regular cardio vids do. which is AOK by me :)

going to shower, and meet up with a friend and walk the high line! a mile long above ground walking path/garden/awesomeness that starts in the west village and ends up in midtown.

today started out bad (totally lazy and unmotivated and self loathing), but I still managed to get up and do insanity, which really has put me in a better mood to take on the rest of the day. I need to get in the habit of doing it in the morning, that way I feel this awesome all day long!

walking

So no insanity today, which is okay, i planned to take off 2 days a week max. there's 1. hoping to go the rest of the week with it, but taking 1 day at a time. had a GREAT audition today, so I was feelin good!

Walked in and around central park with my handsome and talented friend Sean. Gabbed about life over veggie falafels. A perfect activity on a perfectly sunny day.

Excited for tomorrow!

Insanity Day 2

Cardio Power Resistance today. And boy did I resist doing cardio power...punny..

Lots more push-up type exercises, which I loathe. Each circuit of exercises are done 3 times, and there are multiple circuits, and by the 3rd time around of the last 2 circuit things, I was TIRED. My muscles are sore from yesterday, especially my calves from all that jumping, so I didn't work as hard as I did yesterday, but I still worked hard. Yes run-ons. 45 minutes went quickly today, let's hope it continues to do so :-P

Going to babysit my cousin in bkln tonight. Yay! I love that little stinker.

Insanity?

So, I decided to start Insanity. Just to try it.

HOLY DEATH.

I did the Plyo-Cardio thing. Well, I tried. I was dying. 45 minutes of absolute madness. But I made it all the way through! I had to modify some of the jumps and squats for my knee, not quite as high impact, but I did all the running and upper body stuff. I haven't sworn that much in a long time.

Feelin good, we'll see if I want to do this for 60 days...let's just agree that today was a success and I may or may not do it tomorrow.

Day off today, pretty busy the rest of the week. Let's go!

Not so proud of this week, didn't do a lot. Walked 2 miles today with a friend, but very slow, as I wore stupid shoes and got blisters. Considering signing up for Planet Fitness, no contract or commitment, and pretty cheap. No classes though, which sucks, but at least they have AC and ellipticals. Is that worth $10/month (plus $20 to start, and $30/year maintenance fee)? Exercise is free, though. Things to consider...I was considering joining a regular NYC gym, but the contracts are ridiculous, incredibly expensive, and difficult to get out of.

Did 40 each (total, 10 reps, 4 sets) of bi/tri/shoulder with the resistance band tonight, too.

Ate okay this week (somewhere in there I had a cheeseburger and fries and beer), but generally speaking I did well. Made a delicious greek yogurt, mango, banana, and pineapple smoothie yesterday. Will probably make one tomorrow, too. Greek yogurt and lowfat granola every day for breakfast (except smoothie days, too much yogurt!).

Cleaned my room today, it was a colossal pig stye, so being organized and clean is good.

I'd like to get into a routine of getting up early and working out in the morning. One roommate goes to work at 7:40, and the other doesn't generally get up until 9ish, so if I wanted to work out at home I could do it then, or go out for a run before it gets too hot. I think establishing a non-audition day routine would be healthy.

Okay, think I'll go to bed early (crazy Saturday night!).

chuggin' along

Sunday was Father's Day, I took a day off from exercising and went out to Jerz to see him and have dinner. Pork chops, mmm.

Monday morning, I ran 1.5 miles in 24 minutes, 16ish min/mile. 3 loops around the community. Definitely better than nothing!

Today I did 15 minutes of yoga, took a break, and 25 minutes of Zumba in my living room. Not bad, I suppose. I'm pooped, and super sweaty!

Nice day off today, hopefully will reorganize and get my life together a little bit!

Today I ran/walked from Columbus Circle, up through Central Park and around the reservoir. Total 3.37 miles in 55 minutes. I'd say a TOTAL success. I walked more than I wanted to, but that's okay. I didn't feel like I couldn't breathe or heaving for breath (like I usually do), but what made me walk more was my calves, they were burning. 99% of why I usually stop running is because I can't breathe, but this time I could breathe and my legs were sore. Lots of stretching happening today, for sure!

Made salsa chicken burritos last night, had some leftovers today. Mmm, mmm! And Skinny Cow Ice cream was on sale, you know I had to get some. It's that TotM, girl.

Feelin good! Happy weekend, all!

productive week!

Tuesday I had 2 auditions, and that same day got a callback from one of them for dance. They didn't ask me to stay after that, but I got a free 40 minute SUPER cardio dance class, not difficult, but very high energy and fast paced, which means I was sweating bouquets.

Wednesday, my sweet friend Erin took a bus to see me for a sleepover. Did a lot of walking then, but yesterday we calculated we walked 3 miles throughout the whole city, up and down between restaurants and stores and adventures! Making me feel marginally better about the cheesecake and cupcake we ate. Yikes. Sugar spike!

Today I had a wonderful wonderful lunch date with a new friend. We packed lunches to not only save money (giiiirl you know actors is thriftay!) but to be healthier, too. And she inspired me in so many ways, not just in my eating/exercising discipline, but in my spiritual discipline, too. I was so incredibly encouraged, and then walked from the bottom of Central Park up to the top, 2.5 miles. Beautiful view, didn't have to stop at each block and look for traffic since I was on the park side, and the weather was incredible.

Overall I'd say a good week (aside from the sweets). Old friends and new friends, slowly making healthier choices and habits are starting to form. I like it.

Happy weekend!

run freedom run

Saturday while I was babysitting a sleeping child, I did about 30 minutes of lighter-impact Zumba in the living room, and yesterday was the TONY'S. To be fair, I've never actually watched them before, and certainly never hosted a party for them, but I made a delicious pasta/chicken sausage/spinach/ mozzarella casserole which was a hit, we had wine, and I did have a couple cookie/brownie things that Ange made. So, not the greatest overall, but watching the Tony's definitely inspired me to be fit!

So today, instead of being mopey like I've been for the past two months, I decided to run in and around central park. I found the reservoir eventually, and ran (jog/walked) around that. --Total 2.5 miles.
-8 pushups (not the girl kind!)
-30 sec. plank
-3 sets of 10 each shoulder/bicep/tricep (from here on out known as sho-bi-tri) with my resistance band

And a nice stretching time afterwards. Got my sweat ON!

Hopefully will get together with my D this week? I love working out with a buddy.

This week's off to a good start. Happy Monday!

c'monnnnnn Greta!

Well, it's been an emotionally difficult week. I have done a lot of walking around the city, and I've been really good about my eating habits, so I guess I don't really have anything to be mopey about, but...alas, mopeyness abounds. I think once I go home to PA (today!), get all the crap I need (videos, yoga mat, food processor, etc), I will feel a lot more prepared and motivated.

I did have a dance callback, and when that doesn't lead to a job it's called a free dance class. So I did some dance cardio for 45 minutes yesterday, which is awesome. I am so ready to get all my measurements and really get started. I'm picking up all the supplies in PA/NJ this weekend. I've been procrastinating until I went home to get that stuff, which is silly. Will also probably do some more Zumba choreographing (I'm SO SICK of my current routines), which will be super fun.

Anyway, I'd like to make a much more structured plan, take measurements, and all that. Now's the time, folks! Let's get up and get movin'!

Love to my two D's, who keep encouraging me even when I feel like poop on a stick.

late update.

well three days have gone by without any actual put my big girl shoes on and exercise. walking around the city is the most I've done (and helped a friend move...so I lifted?).

BUT I'm feeling inspired (at midnight on a Saturday). I am in desperate need of a trip to the grocery store. The only food I possess is peanut butter and frozen green beans. So I'm excited to get a lot of fresh veggies and fruits and healthy stuff. Woo! Also, I decided that I should probably not sign up for a gym, as it's expensive and exercising is free if you have some structure to your schedule and stick to it. I also have an enormous living area in which to work out that's air conditioned, so I have the space. I have a ton of crap at my mom's (yoga mat, weights, videos, etc.) that I'd LOVE to use, but I won't be going to PA for at least another week or two, so I will just have to be creative until then. Once I come up with a schedule/plan, I'll post it on here.

My 25th birthday is in a little over a month, and I think setting small goals along the way will be helpful instead of just "I'm tired of being a chubb-o!" So my goal, since I still don't have a scale, will be to fit into my skinny jeans. They're an Old Navy size 8 (which means everywhere else size 10...Old Navy likes to make us girls feel good!), and I'm currently in a 14 (non ON, so in ON language, I'm a 12). Numbers are always subjective, but I think fitting into my skinny jeans is a tangeable goal. Maybe not in a month, but we'll see. I'd also settle for just feeling better. Lethargy is an ugly feeling, and filling my body with carbs and processed food doesn't make me feel any better. So I'm tired of feeling like poop on a stick all the time, and I really like those jeans, so...plan hashing: ago!

holy zumba batman!

Took my first zumba class (where I wasn't teaching!) since before I got my license in February 2011. And it was HARD. I lost a lot of my stamina since I've been off the bandwagon, and her moves were very quick and difficult to follow (for Zumba), but it was a lot of fun with D! Glad I had someone to commiserate with, that woman was c-razy! My knee is sore, but I think it's okay. D and I went to dinner afterwards (spinach salad, I behaved) and had a nice talk about planning a lifestyle change...and I got some helpful hints!

Today was a good day. One day at a time.

tuesday.

Okay. I know I should be grateful because my life in the grand scheme of things is pretty darn good. But I have been having these days where I don't want to get out of bed or do anything. Ugh.

Still in NJ for Memorial Day festivities, will return to the city tonight. Wanted to go to the bank today downtown, but there was no parking, UGH. So I decided to suck it up, put on my big girl walkin' shoes and I walked from my Dad's to the bank (and Century 21 a block away) and back. 3.13 miles in about an hour. Not bad, I'd say! 

Glad to know that I can get up and go even when I don't feel like it. I think that's the beginnings of discipline? 

Memorial Day

Well, yesterday was pretty uneventful. The escalator out of the subway by my nail place (I've only gone twice...it's not like I can afford to be a regular, but I did get them done yesterday!) was broken, so I walked the equivalent of 6 flights of stairs, and after that I walked from there to church, about a mile.

Made it out to Jerz to see the family and celebrate by the pool/ hot tub. Today is really a lot warmer than it's been, and sunny for the first time in weeks, so Jill and I walked around the community (a little over 1/2 mile loop) 3 times, so 1.63 miles, and after she went inside, I ran around it once more. So my stats for the day are:

1.63 miles - 30 minutes
.54 miles - 6 minutes (a 11:06 min per mile pace! best yet...of course that's probably because I didn't go very far...whatever!)

And now it's off to enjoy playing with my baby cousin in the pool!

I'm feeling ambitious, maybe I'll bring my sneakers and take a walk around my step g-ma's beautiful neighborhood before dinner...we'll see...

Happy memorial day, all! Hug a soldier :)

womp womp...

no post should ever start with womp womp...but, oh well.

Man, today was hard. Trying to make new habits when I feel yucky about myself is difficult. I had the day off with absolutely no plans (which is NEVER a good thing), so I sat around and felt mopey all day. I took two naps, and laid around and felt sorry for myself. That is NOT acceptable. I must allow myself some grace, some wiggle room if you will, to fail and have a bad day, but to be hard on myself because I'm not out running 5k's like I used to a year ago will never get me anywhere.

Since I moved to the city almost a month ago, I have had much more frequent feelings of mopeyness. I will screw up, and I will make mistakes, I have to start small. When I feel like this, and this was the case today, I ended up yelling at myself (not out loud, although as I get older I'm sure it will get to that point one day...) to stop being a self loathing pathetic slob and do something. Just get dressed like you're going for a run. You don't have to go, just get dressed, you'll feel better. So I did. And I felt a little better (it's amazing how a bra-- I'm a fan of the "shock absorber 4+" for higher impact exercise-- can lift the girls AND your mood simultaneously). So I thought, well I'll just walk up and down my street, I live across from a park. So as I was crossing the street to walk up the park side, I saw a car in the distance, so I thought maybe I should jog across the street to make way for this car coming and I just kept going. Jogging. Half way up my street I saw some scary looking folks, so I turned around and went down the ton of steps (I'm sure I will be familiar enough to count them soon) into the park to the other side, and started running up the street. And, as my timing is impeccable, it started POURING. Now, that almost would have been refreshing except I was wearing my glasses, which means I couldn't see, so I ran home. This sounds so epic, running in the rain, I can hear the rocky theme... but in the grand scheme of things, it was 10 minutes door to door. But I ran 8/10's of a mile, a 12:30 minute-per-mile pace (I track where I run and for how long on dailymile.com and it judges hills, distance, pace, and calorie burn...it also measures your entire lifetime stats, how many doughnuts you've burned, how many TV's you've powered, an how many times around the world you've gone). And I was already sweating buckets.

Today's goal was met. I got out, I got my blood flowing, and I explored a little bit of the park I haven't even been in yet that I live across from.

This weekend's plan: to do measurements and get a scale. It will be a lot better to see where I've come from if I know inch-for-inch where I started.

There's a gym a couple of blocks from my apartment, and they're doing a 30 days for $30 deal, and I think I might do that. A dollar a day is cheaper than taking the subway to the top of central park and walking/running there and back, so why not. I only want to run/walk 3 days a week, with something else the other 3 days...strength training? Weights? Maybe I'll do videos (I own P90x and Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and pilates for dummies, although p90x and pilates are at my mom's in PA and I won't be there until next weekend) so that if there's bad weather, I have something to do inside.

Obvi my mind is kind of all over the place in regards to planning how I want to accomplish my workout schedule, but ideas are forming, and once I have a routine, a plan, I think I'll be able to stick with it.

Okay, verbal vomit complete.

day 2?

well, today was uninspiring. I walked around downtown a lot with Dad, a mile or so, and this evening I walked maybe another mile around midtown before seeing "End of the Rainbow" with Louis. GO SEE IT, I cried. And I'm too critical to cry at shows. It was incredible.

So, while my plan to be fit and fab isn't off with a bang, at least I got out of my bed and did something. That is progress.

alright.

Alright. I was inspired by Davina and Denise (my delicious D's) to start a weight loss blog, as I need to lose my tour/post-surgery weight and get back to a place where I'm more confident about my body. Being a performer and walking into an audition room with confidence is hard enough as it is, I don't need an inner tube of processed cheesecake and doritos around my waist to weigh me down, metaphorically and physically.

SO. It might be a little bit about eating right, but this blog will do mostly with the exercise portion of weight loss, as that's the area I have the least amount of discipline in. That being said, I took my first tap class since college today, an hour and a 1/2 at BDC, advanced beginner. It was perfect for me, I'm really rusty in my tap technique, didn't have to squat or bend my knee too far, and I sweated. A lot.

I suppose I should get a scale or take measurements or something, so I can track my progress. I would like to exercise in SOME fashion every day. One day a week will be a lot lighter than the other days, like a walk around the park near my apartment, but at least something every day. I should probably come up with a stricter plan than that if I'm to stick to it. Like what I'll do when I don't want to give my various limbs to BDC for dance classes.

Okay.